Welcome To the Project caosville page
This is the sneak peak of CaosVille
*BEGIN WITH KRIS SITTING IN A RUN DOWN APARTMENT ROOM ALONE*
EYE: (bursting into the room) Dude, guess what.
KRIS: What is it?
EYE:I just bought a whole bunch of lottery tickets!
KRIS: Eye, I told you that you’ll never wi-
EYE: No, dude, I ACTUALLY WON!
KRIS: Oh my God!!! How much did ya win?
EYE: $3,000,000
KRIS: (drooling and stuttering) Oh my Go- Holy Cra- AWESOME! Dude we’ve needed that money! My God we could pay off the rest of that bribe we owe to that cop for “looking the other way” when you planed that E. Coli in that spinach field and a huge freakin’ amount left over! Oh man how are we gonna spend it all?
EYE: Don’t worry dude I got it all under control.
KRIS: Well, what’d ya get? An HDTV, cars, a new apartment?
EYE: No, even better --- (Kris face is twitching) I got what what ant other warm blooded American would’ve gotten - (Kris is foaming at the mouth) MORE LOTTERY TICKETS!!! *A HUGE WAVE OF PAPER TICKETS FLOOD THE ROOM COMING FROM THE OPEN DOOR WHERE EYE ENTERED* --- Get a penny and start scratching!
KRIS: What is it?
EYE:I just bought a whole bunch of lottery tickets!
KRIS: Eye, I told you that you’ll never wi-
EYE: No, dude, I ACTUALLY WON!
KRIS: Oh my God!!! How much did ya win?
EYE: $3,000,000
KRIS: (drooling and stuttering) Oh my Go- Holy Cra- AWESOME! Dude we’ve needed that money! My God we could pay off the rest of that bribe we owe to that cop for “looking the other way” when you planed that E. Coli in that spinach field and a huge freakin’ amount left over! Oh man how are we gonna spend it all?
EYE: Don’t worry dude I got it all under control.
KRIS: Well, what’d ya get? An HDTV, cars, a new apartment?
EYE: No, even better --- (Kris face is twitching) I got what what ant other warm blooded American would’ve gotten - (Kris is foaming at the mouth) MORE LOTTERY TICKETS!!! *A HUGE WAVE OF PAPER TICKETS FLOOD THE ROOM COMING FROM THE OPEN DOOR WHERE EYE ENTERED* --- Get a penny and start scratching!
*FLASH TO A DOWNTOWN STREET, EYE AND KRIS WALKING ON THE SIDEWALK*
KRIS: You’re an idiot--- seriously I’ve come to expect REALLY stupid things from you. Especially when it comes to money--- but this has to be the dumbest thing you have ever done.
EYE: Oh come one, I can’t be that bad--- can I?
KRIS: Of yes you can, remember when I gave you those quarters to do your laundry?
EYE: That really didn’t turn out to bad
KRIS: You used the quarters to buy a battery acid flavored pop from some bum down the street.
EYE: Actually, that wasn’t a bum, that was my brother. And he had a really good sales pitch “Hey stupid, buy this from me”.
KRIS: Look lets just get our food and get back home
BOB: Hey guys, how are ya?
KRIS: Fine Bob, we’re just here for some food
BOB: Hey Eye I see your back after buying all my lottery tickets.
EYE: Yours and every other store owners in town
KRIS: Actually it looks like you didn’t get some (points to the last two lottery tickets on the counter case)
EYE: Well yeah, I had to save some of the prize money
KRIS: What, you saved some!?! How much!?!
EYE: $2--- I needed a candy bar and a Mountain Dew *A RANDOM CUSTOMER WALK INTO THE STORE*
CUSTOMER: Could I have a lottery picket please?
BOB: Sure, that’ll be one (random alien-sounding word)
CUSTOMER:------Uh--- what?
BOB: I mean dollar--- one dollar--- (shifty eyes)
CUST.: ---’k---here you go--- (hands Bob the dollar. Bob hand him the ticket. The Customer then proceeds to scratch off the ticket with a penny) --- HOLY FREAKING GOD! I WON $1,000,000,000!!!
KRIS: Un-freaking-believable---
EYE: Yeah, I seriously hope that guy gets mugged
KRIS: Shut up if you hadn’t have been so stupid we could’ve at least moved into a good apartment.
EYE: Yeah but if I had been a little bit stupider I could’ve bought that ticket that guy just got and we’d be even better off.
KRIS: Your right, now I hate you even more. (Kris puts assorted foods and pops on the counter)
BOB: That’ll be $23.47 (Kris hands him $25)
KRIS: *Sigh* You know we might as well get that last ticket just for the hell of it
BOB: Here (holds ticket out)
EYE: I’ll take that! (snatches ticket from Bob before Kris can get to it. He then scratches it off w/ a penny)
BOB: Well did we win anything?
EYE: It says here we owe them $5
KRIS: Awesome---
BOB: Here’s your change (places 48cents in Kris’ hand)
KRIS: (looks out the window and see the customer who just won the lottery walk by with a large bag w/ a dollar sign on it. The man stops at the window and waves hi. Kris then looks at the pocket change in his hand) --- God hates me--- (Eye and Kris grab groceries and leave)
EYE: Oh come one, I can’t be that bad--- can I?
KRIS: Of yes you can, remember when I gave you those quarters to do your laundry?
EYE: That really didn’t turn out to bad
KRIS: You used the quarters to buy a battery acid flavored pop from some bum down the street.
EYE: Actually, that wasn’t a bum, that was my brother. And he had a really good sales pitch “Hey stupid, buy this from me”.
KRIS: Look lets just get our food and get back home
BOB: Hey guys, how are ya?
KRIS: Fine Bob, we’re just here for some food
BOB: Hey Eye I see your back after buying all my lottery tickets.
EYE: Yours and every other store owners in town
KRIS: Actually it looks like you didn’t get some (points to the last two lottery tickets on the counter case)
EYE: Well yeah, I had to save some of the prize money
KRIS: What, you saved some!?! How much!?!
EYE: $2--- I needed a candy bar and a Mountain Dew *A RANDOM CUSTOMER WALK INTO THE STORE*
CUSTOMER: Could I have a lottery picket please?
BOB: Sure, that’ll be one (random alien-sounding word)
CUSTOMER:------Uh--- what?
BOB: I mean dollar--- one dollar--- (shifty eyes)
CUST.: ---’k---here you go--- (hands Bob the dollar. Bob hand him the ticket. The Customer then proceeds to scratch off the ticket with a penny) --- HOLY FREAKING GOD! I WON $1,000,000,000!!!
KRIS: Un-freaking-believable---
EYE: Yeah, I seriously hope that guy gets mugged
KRIS: Shut up if you hadn’t have been so stupid we could’ve at least moved into a good apartment.
EYE: Yeah but if I had been a little bit stupider I could’ve bought that ticket that guy just got and we’d be even better off.
KRIS: Your right, now I hate you even more. (Kris puts assorted foods and pops on the counter)
BOB: That’ll be $23.47 (Kris hands him $25)
KRIS: *Sigh* You know we might as well get that last ticket just for the hell of it
BOB: Here (holds ticket out)
EYE: I’ll take that! (snatches ticket from Bob before Kris can get to it. He then scratches it off w/ a penny)
BOB: Well did we win anything?
EYE: It says here we owe them $5
KRIS: Awesome---
BOB: Here’s your change (places 48cents in Kris’ hand)
KRIS: (looks out the window and see the customer who just won the lottery walk by with a large bag w/ a dollar sign on it. The man stops at the window and waves hi. Kris then looks at the pocket change in his hand) --- God hates me--- (Eye and Kris grab groceries and leave)
*BACK TO STREETS. EYE AND KRIS ARE WALKING W/ GROCERIES IN HAND. AS THEY ARE WALKING THEY SEE CRYSTAL WALKING TWORDS THEM. SHE STOPS IN FRONT OF THEM W/ A SMILE ON HER FACE*
CRYATAL: Hey guys, what’s up?
KRIS: Nothi-
EYE: We won the lottery!
CRYSTAL: Seriously? Wait, is this so kinda trick you’re pulling. Cuz I’m not falling for that--- not after last time---
EYE: Look I told you it was a mistake, I’m sorry
CRYSTAL: I STILL HAVE BURN MARKS FROM YOU!
EYE: Well, if you had moved away from Lindsey Lohan those flaming arrows might’ve missed you
CRYSTAL: SEE WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CITY!!!
EYE: Well hey, it was a long, and risky shot--- but I was willing to take the risk.
CRYSTAL: Why do I even hang around you? It’s a freakin’ health risk!
KRIS: She’s right man (pulls out a piece of paper) if says hear that if someone hangs out with you they might as well be smoking 18 packs of cigarettes, live in a toxic waste factory, and take baths in pesticide water for the rest of their life.
EYE: You know what--- you guys can go to hell!
KRIS: It really doesn’t matter anyway, since Commander Brilliance over here spent it all---
CRYSTAL: He did?
EYE: Yep--- all $3,000,000 of it
CRYSTAL: What could he possibly spend that much money on?
KRIS: He invested it all ---in ticket stocks---
EYE: what he means is I spent all the money on more lottery tickets
CRYSTAL: Wow, that pretty dumb. Even dumber than the time your broth-
EYE: HEY! We already did that joke. And plus, I’ve learned my lesson, I will never do anything so idiotic again----- at least with money.
KRIS: Well that’s a start I guess---
KRIS: Nothi-
EYE: We won the lottery!
CRYSTAL: Seriously? Wait, is this so kinda trick you’re pulling. Cuz I’m not falling for that--- not after last time---
EYE: Look I told you it was a mistake, I’m sorry
CRYSTAL: I STILL HAVE BURN MARKS FROM YOU!
EYE: Well, if you had moved away from Lindsey Lohan those flaming arrows might’ve missed you
CRYSTAL: SEE WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CITY!!!
EYE: Well hey, it was a long, and risky shot--- but I was willing to take the risk.
CRYSTAL: Why do I even hang around you? It’s a freakin’ health risk!
KRIS: She’s right man (pulls out a piece of paper) if says hear that if someone hangs out with you they might as well be smoking 18 packs of cigarettes, live in a toxic waste factory, and take baths in pesticide water for the rest of their life.
EYE: You know what--- you guys can go to hell!
KRIS: It really doesn’t matter anyway, since Commander Brilliance over here spent it all---
CRYSTAL: He did?
EYE: Yep--- all $3,000,000 of it
CRYSTAL: What could he possibly spend that much money on?
KRIS: He invested it all ---in ticket stocks---
EYE: what he means is I spent all the money on more lottery tickets
CRYSTAL: Wow, that pretty dumb. Even dumber than the time your broth-
EYE: HEY! We already did that joke. And plus, I’ve learned my lesson, I will never do anything so idiotic again----- at least with money.
KRIS: Well that’s a start I guess---
*FLASH TO EYE & KRIS’ APARTMENT. KRIS IS IN THE KITCHEN PUTTING THE GROCERIES ON THE COUNTER*
KRIS: Where’s Eye? God, I swear you need a freakin’ dog collar for that guy--- one that’ll shock the living hell outta him--- that’d be pretty cool
EYE: (Enters the room) Hey Kris, how ya doin’?
KRIS: Been better---
EYE: Look, I’m sorry about what happened, and I want to make it up to you
KRIS: Really--- how?
EYE: (Enters the room) Hey Kris, how ya doin’?
KRIS: Been better---
EYE: Look, I’m sorry about what happened, and I want to make it up to you
KRIS: Really--- how?
*BACK TO CITY STREETS. EYE AND KRIS ARE WALKING*
KRIS: YOU USED OUR RENT MONEY FOR MORE LOTTERY TICKETS!?!?!?
EYE: Yeah that sounds about right
KRIS: You just said you wouldn’t do anything like that anymore!!!
EYE: Well I lied
KRIS: You must have some kinda specialty with that
EYE: Hey man, I’m a Republican, that’s all we how to do--- that and not care about the poor, but that’s a whole different story
KRIS: Well since we’re in the situation you better start rethinking about that philosophy--- oh wait, what am I saying; you and thinking really don’t go together, let alone rethinking---
EYE: That was kinda uncalled for
KRIS: Well you know, you kinda got us into this mess
EYE: Look, it ain’t that bad we still have a few tickets left (As Eye holds up the last 2 lottery tickets The Owner descends from the sky and land in front of Eye and Kris)
THE OWNER: Hey, whattcha guys doin?
KRIS: Well we kinda lost all our money and our apartment--- so I guess we’re just bummin’ around, being hobos
THE OWNER: Don’t you mean homos
KRIS: Hey man, we’re really not in the mood
THE OWNER: Just like the chicks are never in the mood for you! Oooowned! (Kris picks up a lead pipe from the ground and hit’s The Owner in the shins with it) OW, JEEZ! Sorry I’ll be leaving now. Owner AWAY! (The Owner leaps into the air to fly; but rams into a light pole just after he jumps) Ow--- (rubs his head) I hit that harder than I hit your mom (flies away)
KRIS: That guys needs help
EYE: Eh, he gives other hope I suppose (Dick walks by)
DICK: Hey, whatcha guys doin’ here?
[SAID AT SAME TIME] KRIS: Nothing EYE: Taking a shower (Kris gives odd look at Eye)
KRIS: Aaaaanyway we got some financial difficulties and we’re living on the streets now
EYE: Sounds fun doesn’t it?
DICK: Not really--- unless living out in the streets is considered cool, then I’m all for it
EYE: You’re quite the trend follower aren’t you Dick?
DICK: Well yeah, if it gets people to like me
KRIS: You do realize that your pathetic attempt to get people to accept you just makes them hate you more
DICK: Well they don’t really like me because they haven’t realized how amazing I am
EYE: No Dick, you’re not great. In fact you’re a… uh… what’s it called? Like a jerk or a fool but different. Starts with a ‘d’…
KRIS: Dork?
EYE: Yeah that’s it! You’re a freakin’ dork!
KRIS: Yeah people who follow trends are pretty low on the intelligence scale
EYE: Now that’s something we can at least agree on
DICK: Well actually trends are…
EYE: NO! SHUT UP! SCREW TRENDS AND SCREW YOU!
DICK: Hey, why do you haveta talk to me like that?
EYE: Because all you do is try to be cool, and it doesn’t work! We just get even more pissed at you!
KRIS: Seriously, your not even cool in the eyes of the actual trend followers. And to those people it’s not only socially acceptable for women to be dumb drunken whores, it’s mandatory. (show Paris Hilton)
PARIS: You got that right (Exit Paris)
DICK: You guys can bite my shinny metal ass!
KRIS: Yeah, um, you’re just kinda proving our point.
EYE: Yeah, it doesn’t make us think your any more “creative” and it annoys us even more.
DICK: Ok, I get it
EYE: But seriously malicious insults aside… can we stay at your place for alittle while?
DICK: Hell no, first off you guys would cramp my style. Also, people might think I was gay if I had guys hangin’ around my bachelor pad
EYE: Not like they don’t think that already
DICK: Wha?
EYE: Nothing
EYE: Yeah that sounds about right
KRIS: You just said you wouldn’t do anything like that anymore!!!
EYE: Well I lied
KRIS: You must have some kinda specialty with that
EYE: Hey man, I’m a Republican, that’s all we how to do--- that and not care about the poor, but that’s a whole different story
KRIS: Well since we’re in the situation you better start rethinking about that philosophy--- oh wait, what am I saying; you and thinking really don’t go together, let alone rethinking---
EYE: That was kinda uncalled for
KRIS: Well you know, you kinda got us into this mess
EYE: Look, it ain’t that bad we still have a few tickets left (As Eye holds up the last 2 lottery tickets The Owner descends from the sky and land in front of Eye and Kris)
THE OWNER: Hey, whattcha guys doin?
KRIS: Well we kinda lost all our money and our apartment--- so I guess we’re just bummin’ around, being hobos
THE OWNER: Don’t you mean homos
KRIS: Hey man, we’re really not in the mood
THE OWNER: Just like the chicks are never in the mood for you! Oooowned! (Kris picks up a lead pipe from the ground and hit’s The Owner in the shins with it) OW, JEEZ! Sorry I’ll be leaving now. Owner AWAY! (The Owner leaps into the air to fly; but rams into a light pole just after he jumps) Ow--- (rubs his head) I hit that harder than I hit your mom (flies away)
KRIS: That guys needs help
EYE: Eh, he gives other hope I suppose (Dick walks by)
DICK: Hey, whatcha guys doin’ here?
[SAID AT SAME TIME] KRIS: Nothing EYE: Taking a shower (Kris gives odd look at Eye)
KRIS: Aaaaanyway we got some financial difficulties and we’re living on the streets now
EYE: Sounds fun doesn’t it?
DICK: Not really--- unless living out in the streets is considered cool, then I’m all for it
EYE: You’re quite the trend follower aren’t you Dick?
DICK: Well yeah, if it gets people to like me
KRIS: You do realize that your pathetic attempt to get people to accept you just makes them hate you more
DICK: Well they don’t really like me because they haven’t realized how amazing I am
EYE: No Dick, you’re not great. In fact you’re a… uh… what’s it called? Like a jerk or a fool but different. Starts with a ‘d’…
KRIS: Dork?
EYE: Yeah that’s it! You’re a freakin’ dork!
KRIS: Yeah people who follow trends are pretty low on the intelligence scale
EYE: Now that’s something we can at least agree on
DICK: Well actually trends are…
EYE: NO! SHUT UP! SCREW TRENDS AND SCREW YOU!
DICK: Hey, why do you haveta talk to me like that?
EYE: Because all you do is try to be cool, and it doesn’t work! We just get even more pissed at you!
KRIS: Seriously, your not even cool in the eyes of the actual trend followers. And to those people it’s not only socially acceptable for women to be dumb drunken whores, it’s mandatory. (show Paris Hilton)
PARIS: You got that right (Exit Paris)
DICK: You guys can bite my shinny metal ass!
KRIS: Yeah, um, you’re just kinda proving our point.
EYE: Yeah, it doesn’t make us think your any more “creative” and it annoys us even more.
DICK: Ok, I get it
EYE: But seriously malicious insults aside… can we stay at your place for alittle while?
DICK: Hell no, first off you guys would cramp my style. Also, people might think I was gay if I had guys hangin’ around my bachelor pad
EYE: Not like they don’t think that already
DICK: Wha?
EYE: Nothing
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